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Chris Voss’s Key Negotiation Phrases and Techniques

person James
calendar_today April 01, 2025

Chris Voss’s Key Negotiation Phrases and Techniques

Chris Voss – former FBI hostage negotiator and author of Never Split the Difference – teaches a negotiation method centered on tactical empathy and open-ended dialogue. He provides very specific phrases and techniques to disarm the other party, build rapport, and uncover valuable information. Below is a comprehensive list of Voss’s actionable tactics, with exact wording and sentence structures he often recommends, drawn from his book, MasterClass, interviews, and other materials.

Mirroring (Repeating the Last Words)

One of Voss’s simplest techniques is mirroring – repeating the last few words your counterpart said, in a curious tone. This shows you’re listening and encourages them to elaborate. For example, if your counterpart says, “I’ll have to get back to you in two weeks,” you can reply with a mirroring question: “In two weeks?” (Our 10 Most Popular Negotiation Terms That You Need to Know). Voss advises repeating the last 1–3 key words (or a select phrase) and then staying silent for a few seconds so the other person fills the silence with more information (Negotiating: Tips and Tricks to Never Split the Difference). Mirroring makes the other person feel heard and often prompts them to reveal more details or clarify their position without you asking a direct question.

Labeling Emotions with “It seems like…”

Voss frequently uses labels to acknowledge the other side’s feelings or perspective. This means tactfully stating your observation of their emotion or viewpoint, without judgment. He recommends phrasing labels in a neutral way, often starting with: “It seems like…”, “It sounds like…”, “It looks like…”, or “It feels like…” (Negotiating: Tips and Tricks to Never Split the Difference). Using these lead-ins instead of “I think” or “You are” keeps the focus on them and comes across as an observation, not an accusation. For example: “It seems like you have something on your mind.” (Our 10 Most Popular Negotiation Terms That You Need to Know) or “It sounds like this issue has really frustrated you.” Such labels identify and validate the emotion. According to Voss, simply naming the emotion can diffuse its intensity (neuroscience shows that labeling emotions reduces their impact) (Labeling | Chris Voss Teaches The Art of Negotiation | MasterClass).

If your label isn’t accurate, that’s okay – the other person will correct you, and either way you learn the truth. In fact, Voss sometimes intentionally uses a mislabel to prompt a person to clarify. For instance, if a counterpart is avoiding saying “no,” he might say, “It seems like you no longer want this project to succeed.” This deliberately incorrect label will likely trigger them to refute it (“No, that’s not the case, we do want it to succeed, but…”) – thus uncovering their true concerns (Negotiating: Tips and Tricks to Never Split the Difference). The key is to deliver labels with a gentle, inquisitive tone. Voss calls this demonstrating tactical empathy: you’re not agreeing or disagreeing, just showing you understand their feelings (Negotiating: Tips and Tricks to Never Split the Difference).

Calibrated “What” and “How” Questions

Voss emphasizes using calibrated questions – open-ended questions that start with “What” or “How” – to engage your counterpart in solving a problem with you. These questions avoid yes/no answers and instead invite a longer response, giving you more information and making the other party feel in control (Negotiating: Tips and Tricks to Never Split the Difference). (He warns against questions starting with Can/Is/Are/Do/Does, which tend to cut conversations short (Negotiating: Tips and Tricks to Never Split the Difference). He also cautions that “Why” questions can sound accusatory, so use “why” sparingly or only when it won’t put them on the defensive (Negotiating: Tips and Tricks to Never Split the Difference).)

Some examples of Voss’s calibrated questions include (Negotiating: Tips and Tricks to Never Split the Difference):

These questions are open-ended but purposeful. They often subtly ask the other side for help or perspective, which makes them more likely to work with you. One of Voss’s favorite go-to questions – sometimes called “the mother of all calibrated questions” – is: “How am I supposed to do that?” (Negotiating: Tips and Tricks to Never Split the Difference). He uses this in response to an unreasonable demand or offer. The phrasing is polite but firm – instead of outright refusing, you’re asking them to explain how you could possibly comply. This often causes the other person to re-evaluate their position or offer a concession because they are prompted to justify or adjust their ask (Negotiating: Tips and Tricks to Never Split the Difference).

In practice, calibrated questions give your counterpart an illusion of control while actually directing the conversation toward the answers you need (Negotiating: Tips and Tricks to Never Split the Difference). They keep the dialogue going and can uncover “black swans” (unexpected pieces of information that can transform the negotiation). Always remember to pause and listen actively after posing a calibrated question – let them think and respond at length.

Encouraging “No” (No-Oriented Questions & The Power of No)

Unlike many negotiators who try to force a “yes,” Chris Voss actually welcomes “no.” He explains that people feel protected and in control when they can say “no,” so hearing “no” is not the end – it’s often the beginning of a real negotiation (Negotiating: Tips and Tricks to Never Split the Difference) (Negotiating: Tips and Tricks to Never Split the Difference). A “no” can mean many things other than outright rejection. It could mean “I’m not ready to agree,” “I don’t understand yet,” “I need more information,” or “I have another concern” (Negotiating: Tips and Tricks to Never Split the Difference). Thus, Voss will even trigger a “no” on purpose to make the other party more comfortable and get to their real issues.

One way he does this is through no-oriented questions: asking a question that is designed for the answer “no” (which actually affirms what you want). For example, instead of asking someone “Can we schedule a meeting to discuss this?” (which pressures them to say yes), Voss would ask, “Would it be impossible to talk for 15 minutes next week?” (Our 10 Most Popular Negotiation Terms That You Need to Know). Phrased that way, the easiest answer for them is “No, it wouldn’t be impossible.” – effectively giving you the agreement to meet, but in a way that feels safe to them. Similarly, if a client or partner has gone dark, Voss might send an email asking: “Have you given up on this project?” (Negotiating: Tips and Tricks to Never Split the Difference). The recipient, not wanting to be seen as someone who gives up, will often reply “No, I haven’t given up” – and just like that, dialogue is re-opened.

Voss teaches that “No” is not a failure; it’s a conversation starter (Negotiating: Tips and Tricks to Never Split the Difference). When you hear no, instead of getting discouraged, ask follow-up solution-based questions to explore their objections (Negotiating: Tips and Tricks to Never Split the Difference). For instance, if a counterpart says “no” to an offer, you could respond with: “What about this doesn’t work for you?” or “What would you need to make it work?” (Negotiating: Tips and Tricks to Never Split the Difference). These prompts acknowledge the “no” and then pivot to problem-solving.

Finally, Voss even provides a method for saying “no” gently yourself – without actually using the word “no” until the final stages. He calls this the multi-step “No” (delivered with empathy and respect). The sequence goes like this (Negotiating: Tips and Tricks to Never Split the Difference):

  1. Start with a querying stall: “How am I supposed to do that?” (Negotiating: Tips and Tricks to Never Split the Difference) – This is a soft no that puts the ball back in their court.
  2. Acknowledge and decline: “Your offer is very generous. I’m sorry, that just doesn’t work for me.” (Negotiating: Tips and Tricks to Never Split the Difference) – Appreciate them, then politely hold your ground.
  3. Second polite refusal: “I’m sorry, but I’m afraid I just can’t do that.” (Negotiating: Tips and Tricks to Never Split the Difference) – Apologetic tone, signaling you wish you could accommodate, but you can’t.
  4. Direct refusal with regret: “I’m sorry, no.” (Negotiating: Tips and Tricks to Never Split the Difference) – The first explicit “no,” softened by sorry.
  5. Firm “no” (if needed): “No.” – A plain final no, delivered calmly with a downward inflection (to sound confident, not questioning) (Negotiating: Tips and Tricks to Never Split the Difference).

Each step is delivered in a polite, calm voice. Across these steps, Voss uses apologetic phrases (“I’m sorry…”) and positive words (“generous”) to take the sting out of saying no. This tactic gives the counterpart multiple opportunities to reconsider or suggest a better offer, without feeling insulted or cornered. By the time you say the final “No,” they usually understand your position and may even feel that they are the ones deciding to move on or compromise.

The “Accusation Audit” (Preempting Objections)

An Accusation Audit is a tactic Voss uses to preempt the other side’s objections or negative thoughts about you. The idea is to list out (even exaggerate a bit) the worst things they might be thinking or feeling about your request before they say it. By doing so, you take the power out of those accusations and show that you understand their perspective (Negotiating: Tips and Tricks to Never Split the Difference). Essentially, you’re calling yourself out before they can.

For example, if you know your ask will annoy them (say, you need them to cut their price or extend a deadline), you might start with something like: “I understand this might make me sound like the biggest jerk on the planet…” or “You’re probably going to think I’m being selfish here…”. Voss often gives a sample line for a price negotiation: “You will not like what I have to say. You’ll probably think I’m incredibly stingy and don’t want to pay you what you deserve.” (Our 10 Most Popular Negotiation Terms That You Need to Know). By acknowledging their potential grievances upfront, you show empathy and signal that you know this is a big ask. Surprisingly, this tactic tends to defuse their frustration – many people will respond with something like “Oh no, I don’t think you’re a jerk...” and be more receptive to your proposal because you’ve proven you get their viewpoint. After an accusation audit, you can then make your request or proposal, having softened the emotional ground.

Summaries that Trigger “That’s Right”

Voss says a negotiator’s goal should often be to get the other person to say “That’s right.” This is different from them saying “yes” or even “you’re right.” “That’s right” means they feel truly understood and see your point as accurate (Our 10 Most Popular Negotiation Terms That You Need to Know). To trigger a “that’s right,” Voss recommends using summaries and paraphrasing. You concisely recap the other party’s feelings, needs, and arguments, including the emotions behind their words (Our 10 Most Popular Negotiation Terms That You Need to Know). When done sincerely, they respond with “That’s right,” confirming you captured it correctly. This builds trust and often marks a turning point in negotiations.

For example, imagine you’ve been discussing a dispute over a bill. The counterpart is resistant because they feel the charges are unfair. Instead of pushing back, you summarize their perspective: “It seems that you feel my bill is not justified given the results.” If you’ve hit the nail on the head, they’ll respond, “That’s right.” (Quote by Chris Voss: “The script we came up with hit all the best pra...”) Voss actually used this exact line in a real negotiation scenario to get the other person to agree in principle with the statement – once they said “That’s right,” the tension dropped and they became more open to resolution. The technique here is to paraphrase their own arguments better than they could. Once someone says "that's right" to you, they feel you are aligned with them (Our 10 Most Popular Negotiation Terms That You Need to Know), and paradoxically they become more open to your solutions since you’ve validated their point of view.

Tip: Be wary of “You’re right.” Voss notes that when someone says “you’re right,” it’s often a polite reflex to end the conversation or appease you – not actual agreement (). “That’s right” is the real gold standard because it’s self-confirmation from them, not just conceding to you.

The Power of Tone and Pause (Calm Voice & Silence)

How you say things can be as important as what you say. Voss often speaks about using the “late-night FM DJ voice,” meaning a slow, calm, and soothing tone (Negotiating: Tips and Tricks to Never Split the Difference). By keeping your voice steady and relaxed (almost like a friendly late-night radio host), you lower the tension in the conversation. This tone is especially useful when delivering something that could upset the other side – for instance, when giving an Accusation Audit or when saying “no.” A calm tone makes even hard messages feel less confrontational. Voss also suggests adding a slight smile (even if you’re on the phone – it comes through in your voice) and positive/upbeat words when appropriate, as positivity encourages cooperation (Negotiating: Tips and Tricks to Never Split the Difference).

Equally important is silence. Voss’s rule is: after you ask a question or make a mirroring/labeling statement, stop talking. He recommends pausing for at least 4 seconds (and often much longer) to give the other person time to think and respond (Negotiating: Tips and Tricks to Never Split the Difference). This is sometimes called “dynamic silence.” Most people find silence uncomfortable and will fill it by revealing more information (Our 10 Most Popular Negotiation Terms That You Need to Know). For example, after you ask “How would you like me to proceed?” – resist the urge to add more words. Stay quiet, count “one one-thousand, two one-thousand…” in your head if you have to (Our 10 Most Popular Negotiation Terms That You Need to Know). The other person will usually break the silence and answer, often giving you a candid window into their priorities or constraints. Using silence strategically also makes you appear confident and thoughtful, rather than nervous or desperate. As Voss puts it, “Slow. It. Down.” – going too fast is a common mistake in negotiations (Negotiating: Tips and Tricks to Never Split the Difference).

Using “Fair” and Other Trigger Words

Be careful with the word “fair.” Chris Voss calls “fair” the F-bomb of negotiation – a loaded word that people throw out to manipulate or pressure the other side (Negotiating: Tips and Tricks to Never Split the Difference). For instance, if your counterpart says, “I just want what’s fair,” it can put you on the defensive. Voss teaches a few specific responses for defusing this. One approach is to apologize and invite them to elaborate on how they feel things became unfair. You might say something like: “Absolutely, I want you to be treated fairly. If you feel I’ve been unfair, I apologize – let’s go back and pinpoint where things went off track.” (Negotiating: Tips and Tricks to Never Split the Difference) This turns the accusation into a constructive discussion of fairness (often the person will soften their stance when you handle it this way).

If they say something like “We’ve given you a fair offer,” Voss suggests challenging it gently by using a mirror and label: “Fair?” (with a skeptical tone) followed by “It seems like you have some data to back that up.” (Negotiating: Tips and Tricks to Never Split the Difference) This prompts them to either provide justification or reconsider their claim of fairness.

Better yet, Voss often pre-empts the fairness issue at the start of a negotiation. He’ll say: “I want you to feel like you’re being treated fairly at all times. So if I ever say or do something that feels unfair, please let me know.” (Negotiating: Tips and Tricks to Never Split the Difference). By doing this, you disarm the word “fair” from being used against you later – you’ve shown your commitment to fairness proactively. The other side then is less likely to toss “that’s not fair” at you as a cheap shot, because you’ve invited honest discussion on it from the get-go.

In addition to “fair,” Voss is mindful of other polite phrases. He often starts requests with phrases like “I’m sorry…” or “I apologize…” to maintain a tone of respect (Negotiating: Tips and Tricks to Never Split the Difference). Using your counterpart’s name can also build rapport (e.g. “, I appreciate your flexibility on this.”), and even using your own name can humanize you – for example, “My name is ___, I’ll be the fool who asks… is there any chance of a ___ discount?” (One student of Voss humorously asked “What’s the [Name] discount?” to personalize a bargaining request). The exact words depend on context, but the principle is to humanize the interaction with courtesy and personal connection, rather than making it feel like a cold transaction.

Bargaining Tactics: Never Splitting the Difference

The very title of Voss’s book, Never Split the Difference, is a warning against rushing to meet in the middle. He argues that splitting the difference often leaves value on the table – instead, he advocates a more strategic bargaining approach, sometimes known as the Ackerman model. Here are a few techniques Voss uses for monetary or terms negotiations:

  • Let the other side offer first (if possible): You gain information by hearing their number or terms first (). (If you fear they’re a shark who will lowball, have an extreme anchor ready, but generally Voss prefers to hear their proposal first).
  • Anchor high (or low) without alienating: If you do name a number, don’t start with your true goal – start more extreme to anchor their expectations (Negotiating: Tips and Tricks to Never Split the Difference). One way Voss does this softly is by using a range. For example, if you hope to sell something for $10,000, you might say “I’ve seen similar projects go for $10,000 to $15,000” – here $10,000 is the low end of the range, making it more likely they’ll gravitate toward that number (Negotiating: Tips and Tricks to Never Split the Difference). Anchoring sets a framework in their mind. Just be sure your extreme number isn’t so ridiculous that it shuts down discussion.
  • Use precise (odd) numbers: Voss found that giving a non-round number makes your offer seem calculated and final. For instance, $10,350 feels like you came to that figure thoughtfully, whereas a round $10,000 might seem arbitrary or negotiable (). In practice, during the final stages of haggling, Voss might go to an odd number (and even decrease the increment each time) to signal he’s nearing his limit.
  • Throw in a gift at the end: As a final step, if you’re still apart, he suggests adding something small but valuable to them (and low cost to you) as a surprise (). For example, “If you can do $10,350, I’ll also include an extra year of support at no charge.” This unexpected token can create reciprocity, making them feel they won something, and it signals you have nothing more to give after this ().

By using these tactics, you avoid a mere split-the-difference compromise. Instead, you lead your counterpart toward your target outcome while making them feel the deal is fair and their concerns are heard. Voss’s approach is calculated but collaborative – every offer and concession is delivered with empathy and rationale. The result is often a better deal than a straight midpoint split, with both sides feeling satisfied.

Conclusion

Chris Voss’s negotiation approach is filled with practical phrases and techniques designed to create empathy, keep the dialogue flowing, and gently push the other side toward a mutually beneficial solution. From mirroring and labeling (using “It sounds like…”) to calibrated questions (“What’s the biggest challenge here?”), no-oriented queries (“Would it be ridiculous to…?”), and calibrated “no”s (“How am I supposed to do that?”), each tool helps you navigate the conversation strategically. He shows that wording matters – small changes in phrasing can transform a confrontation into a collaboration. By practicing these scripts and skills – using a calm tone, mastering silence, and framing things with the right questions – anyone can negotiate more effectively, never splitting the difference unless it truly makes sense to do so.

Sources: Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference (Quote by Chris Voss: “The script we came up with hit all the best pra...”) (Quote by Chris Voss: “The script we came up with hit all the best pra...”); Voss MasterClass and interviews (via Legal.io summary (Negotiating: Tips and Tricks to Never Split the Difference) (Negotiating: Tips and Tricks to Never Split the Difference) and Black Swan Group resources (Our 10 Most Popular Negotiation Terms That You Need to Know) (Our 10 Most Popular Negotiation Terms That You Need to Know)).

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history Published Apr 01, 2025

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